- “Mine’s just a quick one for you today.” Once someone was right about that. It was amazing.
- At the end of the thirty minute consult about travel vaccinations and the gut microbiome: “While I’m here, I’m having this crushing chest pain and a sense of impending doom.”
- “I need a referral for a blood test.” No. You need to tell me what the problem is, I’ll ask seemingly irrelevant questions and examine you, and together we’ll decide what you need.
- “I feel like it’s gone to my chest.” Hand on sternum and hopeful upward give me the antibiotics gaze. Yes, it has. The virus has gone to your chest.
- My personal favourite, “I’ve just turned fifty so I’ve made a double appointment to discuss my personal and family history and lifestyle and current issues. I’d like to be examined and receive personalised information and counselling regarding any evidence based screening tests I might want in order to maximise my lifespan and quality of life. What are your thoughts?” Bing. Please come again. I might even bulk bill you the second time around.
This article first appeared in Medical Observer